Teddy bears and other stuffed animals are so cute, right? When you
are a child. Most grown women do not need or want a stuffed toy for
Valentine’s Day.
1. A Vacuum Cleaner
The last thing your lady wants to be reminded of on Valentine’s Day
is housework and cleaning. Even if you think you’re being thoughtful by
remembering that she mentioned needing a new Dyson a few months back,
you can rest assured that she didn’t mean she wanted it as a Valentine’s
Day gift. Trust me. Avoid any household appliances unless you want to
end up with your fingers stuffed in her brand new blender.
Buy this instead: Book her a few hours at her favorite massage parlor
or salon. It’s a great way to say “thank you” for all the housework she
does throughout the year. *Bonus Points if you clean the entire house
while she’s getting her massage.
2. Clothing
This one’s actually a tough call. Women do love their clothing.
That’s absolutely true. The problem with buying your woman clothes,
however, is that it’s a no-win situation. If you buy her clothes that
are too big for her, she thinks that you think she’s fat. If you buy her
clothes that are too small for her, she thinks she’s fat.
The chances of you getting her clothes that are the exact right size
are slim and none. As much as you might think clothes are a good idea,
they are not. You will pay dearly should you ignore this advice.
Buy this instead: A subscription to her favorite fashion magazine.
3. A Steering Wheel Cover
Your lady may love her car, but that doesn’t mean you should buy her
accessories for Valentine’s Day. Steer clear (pun totally intended) of
seat covers, floor mats, a steering wheel cover, or fuzzy dice. These
aren’t romantic in any sense of the word (and, no, mud flaps with
bikini-clad women on them do not count as sexy).
Practical gifts are no fun on Valentine’s Day and, though she may
have nice toasty hands on cold mornings while using her fur-lined
steering wheel cover, it’s going to get mighty cold in the bedroom for
you if you actually buy her that gift.
Buy her instead: Cashmere-lined leather gloves to keep her hands warmand stylish while driving.
4. A Gift Card
Unless you’re buying her a specific service like a manicure or
massage, gift cards are the absolute least thoughtful gift you can give
to someone. There’s zero thought required to give someone a plastic card
worth fifty bucks at the local Target.
If your sister asks for a gift card at Christmas time, that’s fine.
Get her the gift card. But your girlfriend or wife never wants a gift
card for Valentine’s Day. You might as well just ask her to pick out her
own present, slacker.
Buy this instead: When in doubt, treat her to dinner at her favorite
restaurant. Call ahead and have something special—like chilled champagne
or a cashmere shawl draped over her chair—waiting upon your arrival.
5. A Teddy Bear
Teddy bears and other stuffed animals are so cute, right?
When you are a child.
Most grown women do not need or want a stuffed toy for Valentine’s
Day. On the off-chance she happens to like stuffed animals, she probably
already owns an ample-sized collection (again, from childhood).
Buy your wife or girlfriend a gift that makes her feel like the woman she wants to be, not the kid she once was.
Buy this instead: If you’re going for an uber-romantic gift, why not
pen her a heartfelt love letter or poem? You don’t need to be
Shakespeare to write her something from the heart.
6. Tickets To An Event YOU Really Want To Attend
It is true that the ladies love it when their men treat them to a
night on the town, but giving her tickets to a monster-truck rally isn’t
exactly the best way to say, “I love you.” If you’re going to risk it
by giving her tickets to an event, make sure it’s something that she
actually wants to see. Otherwise, you’re going to end up with a one-way
ticket to Doghouse, USA.
Buy this instead: Tickets to an event SHE really wants to attend (and go with her, whether you really want to or not).
7. Cheap Jewelry
Every woman loves jewelry! It’s a proven fact! That may be true, but
no one is talking about cheap jewelry that looks tacky and turns your
girlfriend’s finger, neck, or ears green after she’s showered.
Giving the gift of cheap jewelry says only one thing about you:
you’re cheap… in all areas of life. She’ll think you value your precious
money more than her.
Buy this instead: The rule with jewelry is to go big or don’t go at all. If she wants cheap jewelry, she’ll buy it herself.
8. A Bathroom Scale
Your girlfriend could lose a few pounds, right? She says it all the
time, right? That is not an invitation for you to buy her a scale, a gym
membership, a treadmill, or sessions with a personal trainer. You may
think your girl is the hottest thing on two legs, but buying her
anything fitness-related is a recipe for disaster, as she’ll inevitably
think you’re saying she needs to lose weight.
If you’re going this route, you’d better hope you spent plenty of
time at the gym yourself because you’re going to need the muscles to
carry all your stuff out of the apartment.
Buy this instead: An “of the month club” membership to help her
indulge in—rather than deny herself—her favorite things. If she’s into
cooking, you could sign her up to receive a basket of local produce each
month. If she’s into wine, sign her up for a wine of the month club—get
started picking varietals at SutterHome.com.
9. Candy or Flowers
This might be the most controversial gift on this list, but it’s one
that I’m standing by. The ladies do love their flowers and candy, and
that very combination is one that has been melting hearts on Valentine’s
Day for generations.
That’s all well and good, but I’m telling you not to go this route.
Don’t be a cliché. Be original. Ladies love originality and they love it
when a man can think outside of the box. Flowers die. Candy just adds
on the pounds. Be smart and find something meaningful and special for
your lady on Valentine’s Day. Avoid the obvious (and every single one of
the gifts on this list) and you’ll be a better boyfriend (or husband)
for it. Trust me.
Buy this instead: This one is on you, guys. Be original. If you’re
really stuck, think of her favorite hobby or pastime and then try to
find the coolest new accessory or enhancement for it. C’mon, you can do
it!
10. A Self-Help Book
Books always make great gifts, right? They’re thoughtful, and often
heartfelt, and can say a lot not only about the person receiving the
gift, but also the person giving the gift.
That is, unless you’re actually crazy enough to buy your girlfriend
or wife self-help books for Valentine’s Day. Sure, she may need them.
Sure, she may have mentioned wanting to read them. But, trust me, she
does notwant to unwrap self-help books on Valentine’s Day. She doesn’t
want to be reminded of any neurosis she may have to cure. Give her this
gift and you’re going to find yourself at the self-help section of the
bookstore looking for How to Survive a Breakup.
Buy this instead: A great coffee table book on her favorite subject.
Check out the Daily Beast’s “Best Coffee Table Books 2011″ for
inspiration.