I think I realised I had a problem when I was walking back to
the house of a man that had physically hurt me badly in the act of séx,
and I was willingly about to give myself up to him again. Despite being
terrified and it making me tremble and sick, I somehow couldn’t stop
myself, I had to have my fix.
Afterwards I felt used, I hated myself for what I had done, but that
didn’t stop me. Married, attached, fathers, brothers of other conquests,
it made no difference the more screwed up the better in the heat of the
moment – the higher the rush, and the deeper the low.
‘It wasn’t just men, it was pórn, dangerous séx, exhibitionism, everything was just...
séx, séx, séx, which meant just about anything that could give me
that high. The more intense, the more I needed, like it wasn’t enough, I
had become desénsitised to it.’
Speaking in a recent interview, Becky said: Séx addiction is a hotly
debated topic on which psychologists simply cannot agree. An addiction
originally referred to a chemical dependence on a substance that had
physical and psychological effects. ‘Behavioural’ addictions, for
example to gambling, shopping or séx, are more open to interpretation as
they cannot be scientifically understood.
Séx does create chemical reactions within us and some psychologists
believe that this can create a sort of semi-physical dependency as well
as the behavioural element to this particular ‘addiction’.
It is quite commonly agreed that an addiction is present when a
person cannot easily stop something, even when not stopping is
detrimental to their lives. In Becky’s case she explains that her need
for séx was creating very real difficulties for her.
‘It was affecting other areas of my life, my self esteem, the
relationships I had with my friends and my family, who by the way could
see what I had become, but I was determined I was in control.’ She
explains.
When asked why she felt the need to behave this way Becky tells us
‘It really was like a drug, the adrénaline, the fear, the ‘buzz’ was
intense, then the low afterwards was just like a comedown, yet séx
seemed to be the only way I felt appreciated or ‘good’ at something.’
Although it is more common for men to admit to séxual addictions, and
some of these ‘addictions’ surface only when an indiscretion has forced
someone to look at their inappropriate behaviour, there are women like
Becky who are finally coming out of the shadows and discussing this
issue.
‘I know where it stems from (Becky refers to abuse in her childhood
she does not want to discuss), but even with the knowledge it’s not as
simple as just stopping a pattern of behaviour, I had to change
everything including the way I looked at myself.’
Thankfully Becky is now in a stable and loving relationship and has
received counselling. Although her darkest days are behind her she
admits ‘I am learning everything from scratch, relationships,
boundaries, and my own values. It isn’t easy but when you love someone
you do change, I have always been able to do things for other people
that I cannot do for myself.’
‘I still place very high value on séx, I need to feel wanted in that
way or my world falls down, if my husband say’s ‘not tonight’ I feel
like it’s the end of the world, but hey I am finally having great, fun,
non-dangerous séx, I want as much as I can get!’ She sums up.
Becky had counselling that she say’s ‘really helped’ her but agreed
that the biggest change came from within. If you are struggling with
your desires and think you need help, please don't be shy to ask for hel
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